If people ask about me and you, I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying; she loved me more than anyone else in the entire world, and I tainted her trust and destroyed her. This pain and betrayal sits at the very core of my being. My soul usually knows what it needs to do to heal itself, the challenge is silencing my mind in the healing process. My soul and mind should work in perfect harmony – but they don’t, in fact, they are at war with each other – and you are to blame.
Trusting you should be effortless, I shouldn’t have to second-guess everything; but you poisoned, infected and cursed our relationship with lies and dishonesty. As William Shakespeare once said; don’t trust the person who has broken faith once. You broke it once and I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I loved you and I didn’t want to imagine life without you, but then you broke it again and now I’m broken.
You made so many promises, and I believed them all. I believed in travelling the world together, I believed in merging our worlds, and most of all, I believed in you. I never doubted your love or the way you made me feel when you kissed me in the morning and told me how beautiful I was.
All I did was love you. I loved you every day, in every way. One day, you’ll look back, and you’ll reap this day and realise that you threw a diamond in the dirt and gave up on someone who was willing to give you the world.
I want you to know that I loved you. I loved you with every inch of my being and all depths of my soul. I loved you on the days that you were pleasant and kind and also the days you were unrecognisable to me. I even loved you when you decided that you didn’t love me anymore. I think a part of me still loves you while I sit here in the darkness, with tears streaming down my face in disillusionment. But what I want you to know most of all is that I still love myself, and I still know what love really is.
The difference between you and I is that my love is unwavering. It is a love that is deep inside of my soul and gives restoration to my faith in other people. People in this world are going to hurt me. They have, and they will again. They will love me and they will hate me. Sometimes they will do both. You have shattered my heart, but you have not shattered my love. Love is not something that is cast aside and broken. Love is the most powerful entity in the world. It is something that resides safely inside of each and every one us – if we choose to recognise it. It is a tool for forgiveness and strength. It is faith, when we lose it in humanity. It is being able to see our own beauty and potential, even when others make those things feel non-existent. Love is a perpetual joy that saves us when all hope feels lost. Love is not something that you can take from me.
You have broken my heart, but you have not broken my love. I know you have it too, deep inside of you, and my love allows me to genuinely hope that you will understand it one day.
I will probably allow a few more tears to fall down tonight. I will most likely shed more when I listen to a song we used to sing or see something I know would make you smile. But I will be ok. I will be ok because the love inside of me is strong and true. I will be ok because no matter how many people trample on my heart, they will never take my love. No one can, not even you.
So I guess this is the final goodbye, and hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to see the good in goodbye.